Surviving isn't living
by darkhippie
Summary: ONE SHOT: Callies body is full of emotions never shown. So when that reaches capacity, she becomes a ticking time bomb. Anything can happen. Stef/Callie moment Warning: suicidal thoughts.
1. Chapter 1

**I DO NOT OWN THE FOSTERS. I WISH I DID BECAUSE IT IS AN AMAZING SHOW AND VERY INSPIRING. IM JUST USING THE CHARACTERS FOR FUN.**

 **OK SO THIS IS A ONE SHOT THAT A GUEST REVIEWER FROM MY STORY 'A PIECE OF MY HEART' REQUESTED THAT I DO. I DIDN'T WANT TO LET THEM DOWN SO I AM DOING IT. HOPE YOU LIKE IT.**

 **WARNING: CONTAINS SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND A SUICIDE ATTEMPT. DONT READ IF IT WILL TRIGGER YOU.**

Callie and Brandon walked home from school together. Callie had told Brandon the smallest amount of info on Liam, just so he wouldn't pester her. After that Callie became too busy with her thoughts and Brandon was waiting for her to say something again, but she never did.

Liam had come to her school. He had grasped her wrist and seethed in her face, ordering her too keep away from Sarah.

She had bottled up all of her emotions when I came to Liam, kept them hidden deep down where no light could get to them. No one knew her secret, it was hers alone but right now there was someone in that house, maybe going through the same as she had gone through.

 _Why hadn't Sarah said something?_

 _Why hadn't I said something?_

 _This is all my fault._

Those three things ran over and over in Callies mind as she walked.

Seeing Liam had brought all those emotions up again and they were threatening to escape. Jude was safe now, the Adams- Foster household was his safe place. Their house was a place tha Jude could grow into the young man he is suppose to become, be himself and live happy and care free.

She had promised to keep him safe. Back when Jude was just a newborn her mom had told her that she was a big sister now and that her duty was to look out for him. Yes she had kept him safe 99 percent of the time and that one percent that she didn't, well that hurt a lot.

She would take all the beatings in the world, all the obstacles life throws at her she would conquer them all just to protect her baby brother. Now that life had nothing left to throw at her and Jude, her duty was done. Her role as his protector was done.

By the time Callie zoned back out of her thoughts and looked up, her and Brandon had made it back to the house.

Callie felt like a robot as she walked up to the front door behind Brandon. Callie didn't even hear Stef call her name or greet her as she headed straight upstairs to the room she shared with Mariana.

She put her bag down and then headed back down the stairs, passing Brandon and Stef on her way out of the front door.

"Hey Callie, you ok sweets?" Stef tried again just before Callie went out the door the teen ignoring her or not seeming to hear her. Stefs worry grew, raising an eyebrow at Brandon to get an answer, Brandon sighed.

"You should go follow her, something is wrong. She ran into a former foster brother. That's all I know." Brandon explained shifting his school bag on his shoulder.

"Did he hurt her?"

"Just go after her, she looks like she needs you more then me, Mom." Brandon shooed his mom out the front door.

"Ok thanks B. Let Mama know where I am?" Stef asked as she threw on her jacket, slipped some shoes on and grabbed her car keys.

"Yeah sure." Brandon nodded and headed up the stairs.

"Thanks B." Stef called up the stairs and exiting the house, going to her car and hopping in. Her mind filled with worry, what was going through the teens mind right now?

xxxxxxxx

Callie headed down the street. She didn't know where she was going, she just walked.

Her emotions that had been bottled up for years had finally reached capacity and exploded. She was a ticking time bomb of emotions and if anyone who really knew her inside out, which no one did, would see that it was only a matter of time till they erupted out of her.

She had nothing now, she had nothing to keep fighting for. Her reason to live and fight was now safe, what did she have left?

The tears that had been threatening to spill for a while now decided to trickle down her cheek. She took off running, no direction in mind. The air whipping at her face and the sun beaming down on her body, the noise of cars and people chatting all mixed into one big blur but that didn't bother her.

The tears were flowing fast now. She was finding it hard to breath. She slowed her running down and ended up walking again. Her heart was racing and she was out of breath, tears blurring her vision.

Callie had no idea how long she had run for and she had no idea where she was. Somehow she had ended up near a bridge that led across a man made Canal. This bridge was never busy, just the odd car would cross it, the odd person would cross it and the odd person would ride their bike across it. **(AN: Ok never been to San Diego so I have no idea about where the bridges are located, im making one up)**

Her body had a mind of its own as she walked towards the bridge. She knew this wasn't the way but there wasn't much else to life for. She was basically just surviving, not living. Surviving for what?

As Callie got closer to the bridge she heard a car slow down behind her, she didn't stop and she didn't look to see who is it was. Her body doing what it wanted, her mind like a record.

" _You need to do this."_

" _Nothing else to live for."_

" _Jude is safe, you can let go."_

" _Join your mom. She misses you."_

Sentences ran around Callies mind, each was a good example of why she should do this. Callie got closer and placed her hand on the bridges rail and looked out at the water and then down to the water underneath that could make her pain go away.

xxxxxxx

"Cal?" Stef called as she hopped out of her car after parking it in a safe zone where it wouldn't cause an accident.

Stef looked confused as Callie continued to walk towards the bridge. Locking the car up, stef walked towards Callie. The teen still a good hundred metres or so away.

"Callie?" Stef called again as she watched the teen place her hand on the rail and stare at the water below. Stef walked faster, something in her gut was telling her to get to the teen.

Stefs eyes widened as the teen jumped over the rail and stood on the other side of the bridge, one step and she would plunge into the deep blue.

"CALLIE NO!" Stef yelled and took off in a sprint, hoping the teen wouldn't jump before she got there to talk her out of it.

Stef got to the teen, she was about two metres away. She didn't want to scare the girl and make her fall. She couldn't see the girl that had wormed her way into her heart die.

"Callie step off the edge, please." Stef said in a low voice to not startle her. Callie didn't turn her head, she knew it was Stef. Tears still falling, her vision blurring more and more.

"It has to be like this." Callie sobbed out as she continued to look at the water below her, tears rolling down her cheek and falling down to the water below.

"No it doesn't." Stef pleaded taking a smallish step forward, hoping to not scare the teen and make her actually jump. Stef was afraid, she couldn't understand why the teen wanted to jump when her whole life was about protecting Jude. Would she really let him be alone after everything the two of them had been through?

"Yes it does... Don't...Don't you see. Im messed up...I wasn't living Stef. I was just surviving and I don't have to do that anymore. Jude is safe now, my life doesn't mean anything anymore." Callie got out between her sobs, her face turning to look at Stef.

As soon as Stef saw the teens eyes her heart broke. The girl looked sad, broken, empty. What had caused her to feel like that. Stef took another smaller step towards the teen as she spoke.

"You are a person too Callie. You deserve happiness, you deserve to be safe like Jude. Just because Jude is safe now doesn't mean you have nothing left. You have a whole life ahead of you. One that I want to see, I want to watch you grow up." Stef pleaded. Callie shook her head and looked back out at the sea. Stef took another step forward and to the side.

"No you don't. Im not worth the effort Stef. Im broken beyond repair, no one can love someone like that so stop saying it." Callies voice got higher at the end, she was truly believing what she was saying and that hurt Stef a lot.

"Please Callie. You have people who love you Cal. Jude, Jesus, Mariana, Lena and Me. We will miss you if you jump. You are apart of our family Callie, we cant loose you, you will break our hearts if you do." Stef was trying everything to get the teen to the safe side of the railing. Stef now stood at the railing but a metre away from where Callie stood.

"Im only temporary. Jude and I are with you temporarily" Callie sobbed, her voice lower and quieter then she had been before.

"We are your last stop Callie. Think of Jude, think of how he will feel if you left him. He may be safe but his heart will be broken if you jump." Stef knew she could get through to the teen with Jude being unhappy and hurt.

"I...I...Really? Your hearts will be broken?" Callie looked Stef in the eyes, looking for truth in her words. Stef almost did a victory dance but knew that that would be a wrong move in a sitution like this.

"Yes Callie. All of our hearts will be broken if you do this." Callie sighed, silent tears now streaming but at least she wasn't sobbing any more.

"I don't want to hurt anyone anymore..." Callie whispered looking at Stef. Stef gave a sad smile.

"Then come back over to me please." Stef held her hand out. Callie looked at it and then back to Stefs face.

"I just don't want to hurt anymore Stef. I want the pain to go away." Callie whispered feeling defeated. No matter what she did someone was hurting or would end up hurt.

"This isn't the answer sweets. This isn't the answer. I will help you." Stef smiled a sad smile. Callie looked from Stef and then back to the water and then back to Stef.

"I...I" Callie couldn't speak. She looked into Stefs eyes more and nodded. She turned carefully and reached her hand out. Stef walked slowly towards the teen and grabbed her hand. A soft sigh escaping the blondes mouth at finally getting through to her.

"CALLIE." Stef screamed as Callies foot slipped and her hand slipping out of her own. Stef watched in slow motion as Callie fell, panic and fear set on the teens face. Tears streamed down Stefs face as she watched.

Callie slipped, she managed to grab the bars of the rails in a quick and solid motion. She was still dangling off the edge but at least she didn't fall. She still had a chance at a life,, .

"I don't want to die, I don't want to hurt anyone. Help me Stef, please." Callie pleaded as Stef carefully jumped over the railing and landed on the other side. The edge was only about a foot wide but Stef held tightly onto a bar with her left hand and reach over and grabbed the teens shirt and pulled. Callie used her arms and pulled aswell.

Slowly the teen was pulled up and went into Stefs arms willingly. Stef kept her left hand tightly around the rail and her right arm clung to the sobbing teen.

"I got you, I got you." Stef whispered. She knew that they had to get over the other side of the railing before they slip. Then she could cuddle the teen.

The two climbed back over the railing. Stef collapsed to her knees and pulled the teen down and into her arms. She felt like she had had a heart attack, the scare of seeing the teen slip was very daunting. She could have been at the bottom of the Canal right now and the faces of her family when she told them that Callie had died ripped her heart to shreds.

Stef shook her head to rid her mind of those thoughts, the teen was safe so she didn't want to think on what could have happened.

"Ill help you Callie. We will help you get rid of your hurt. You don't have to talk to me right now Sweets, but I would like it if you would in time speak to me or someone. I don't like that you feel like this. Please talk to me when you are ready? Or maybe even your therapist? Just talk to someone, let it all out." Stef talked to the teen, both holding on to each other for dear life and both had tears streaming down their faces.

Stef knew that Callie needed to talk to someone. Stef was going to give Callies therapist a heads up and what had transpired here today and Lena. She couldn't keep something like this from her wife.

"Ok. Ill try." Callie whispered, Stef didn't expect an answer but she got one.

"Thats all I ask for." Stef pulled Callies head from her shoulder and held it between her hands so she could look at the teens face.

Pushing hair behind the teens ears, Stef placed a kiss to the centre of the teens forehead. Stef wiped the tears away from Callies eyes and then her own.

"Can we go back to the house now?" Callie whispered. She really needed to see Jude and take a nap. All the emotions of today had gotten the best of her and now she was feeling drained. Physically, Mentally and emotionally drained.

"Sure sweets." Stef smiled, standing up and pulling the teen up. Stef wrapped an arm around the teens shoulders and led her towards the car.

"Ummm, thank you." Callie mumbled as the continued to walk to the car. Both taking their time. Stef squeezed Callie and kissed her temple and Callie just smiling softly, relishing in the contact that the older woman gave her.

Stef was glad that the girl didn't jump and was still standing next to her, alive. Her family would have literally been broken if something had happened.

Callie was really glad to not have jumped and glad to have a woman like Stef in her life, to talk her out of something she couldn't have come back from. She never really thought that her jumping would affect anyone. She should have known that Jude would be heartbroken, if the shoe was on the other foot, she would be heartbroken. Callie felt bad now and she really needed to hug Jude.

"No need to thank me. Im just glad you didn't jump." Stef smiled as they came to a stop at the car.

"Me too." Callie smiled back and gave Stef a hug willingly. Stef was surprised at first but she recovered quickly and gave the teen a hug back. Both smiling when they pulled apart.

"Alright lets go home. Mama and the others are probably wondering where we are." Stef said walking around to the drivers side of the car while Callie went to the passenger seat. Stef unlocked it and both of them hopped in.

"Home...Home sounds good." Callie buckled herself in and smiling softly, looking out the window as Stef reversed the car and headed in the direction of home.

Maybe she was living and not just surviving any more.

One this is for sure, she was really glad she didn't step off the edge.

 **OK THATS IT.**

 **I HOPE I DID OK.**

 **THANKYOU TO THE GUEST REVIEWER WHO SUGGESTED THIS.**


	2. an: sorry

Hey everyone,

Thanks to everyone for letting me know I posted in the wrong story. It had been a long day and I was tired. My mistake. Its all fixed now.


	3. authors note: Companion piece

Hey everyone.

So I was thinking of doing another chapter to this but I haven't had the time, But some good news about that.

I received an in box from AnEvilRegalFostersFan who asked if they could write a companion piece and I thought, sure why not, im too busy and the story definitely needed continuation.

So the companion piece to ' **Surviving isnt living'** is called : **"Survive for Today; Live for Tomorrow."**

Check it out. Its a good read

AnEvilRegalFostersFan is a talented writer and has done my story justice. Check out their other stories as well, you won't be disappointed.

Xxxxx darkhippie.


End file.
